When it comes to weddings, the intricate web of traditions, rules, and social graces can be overwhelming. Enter Emily Post, the doyenne of American etiquette, whose timeless advice has guided generations of brides, grooms, and their families through the nuances of wedding planning and execution. This article delves deep into the essence of Emily Post wedding etiquette, offering you a comprehensive guide to navigate your special day with grace and charm.
The Legacy of Emily Post
Emily Post’s contributions to social etiquette are monumental. Her seminal work, “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home,” published in 1922, set the gold standard for proper conduct in various aspects of life, including weddings. Her advice is not just about following rules but embracing consideration, respect, and honesty in every action.
Planning the Wedding
Setting the Date
One of the first steps in wedding planning is setting the date. According to Emily Post, it’s essential to consider the convenience of the most important guests—immediate family and close friends. Popular months for weddings are June and September, but it’s crucial to pick a date that works best for you and your loved ones.
Budgeting and Financial Etiquette
Budgeting is a critical aspect of wedding planning. Traditionally, the bride’s family footed the bill, but modern practices vary widely. Emily Post emphasizes open and honest communication about financial contributions to avoid misunderstandings. It’s advisable to have a clear discussion with both families about the budget and who will pay for what.
Invitations and Guest List
Crafting the guest list can be one of the most challenging tasks. Emily Post advises keeping it intimate and meaningful, focusing on close family and friends. Invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding. Remember to include all necessary details, such as the date, time, location, and dress code.
Save-the-Date Cards
Save-the-date cards are a relatively modern addition to wedding etiquette, but they align perfectly with Emily Post’s principles of consideration and respect. These should be sent out as soon as the date and venue are confirmed, ideally six to twelve months before the wedding, giving your guests ample time to make arrangements.
Registry Etiquette
When it comes to wedding registries, Emily Post advises being gracious and considerate. It’s polite to register at two or three stores, offering a variety of price points. Remember to share registry information discreetly through your wedding website or word of mouth, rather than including it directly in the invitation.
Pre-Wedding Events
Engagement Party
The engagement party is typically hosted by the bride’s parents, but modern customs allow for flexibility. It’s a time for both families to meet and celebrate the upcoming union. Invitations should be extended to close friends and family, and it’s crucial to express gratitude to your hosts and guests.
Bridal Shower
The bridal shower, traditionally hosted by the maid of honor or bridesmaids, is an opportunity for the bride to receive gifts and advice. According to Emily Post, it’s essential to invite only those who are also invited to the wedding, to avoid any hurt feelings.
Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties
Bachelor and bachelorette parties should reflect the personalities of the bride and groom. While these events are meant to be fun, Emily Post stresses the importance of keeping the celebrations within the bounds of respectability and consideration for others.
Wedding Day Etiquette
Arrival Time
Punctuality is paramount on the wedding day. Emily Post recommends that guests arrive 15 to 30 minutes before the ceremony begins. The bride and groom should also adhere to the schedule to ensure the event runs smoothly.
Seating Arrangements
Seating arrangements should be thoughtfully planned. Traditionally, the bride’s family and friends sit on the left side of the aisle, while the groom’s guests sit on the right. However, these conventions can be adjusted to suit your preferences and the dynamics of your families.
Ceremony Conduct
During the ceremony, guests should refrain from using their phones and should be attentive. Emily Post emphasizes the importance of being present and respectful throughout the event.
Receiving Line
A receiving line allows the newlyweds to greet each guest personally. Emily Post advises having a receiving line to ensure each guest feels acknowledged and appreciated. Typically, this takes place immediately after the ceremony or at the beginning of the reception.
Toasts and Speeches
Toasts and speeches are integral parts of the wedding reception. Emily Post suggests that the best man and maid of honor give the primary toasts, followed by the parents of the bride and groom. It’s essential to keep speeches heartfelt, concise, and appropriate for the occasion.
Cutting the Cake
The cake-cutting ceremony symbolizes the first task the couple performs together. Emily Post recommends that the bride and groom cut the first slice together, followed by serving it to their guests.
First Dance
The first dance is a cherished tradition. Emily Post notes that this should be followed by a dance with the parents, creating a beautiful moment that signifies the union of two families.
Post-Wedding Etiquette
Thank You Notes
Expressing gratitude through thank you notes is a must. Emily Post insists that thank you notes should be handwritten and sent within three months of the wedding. It’s a thoughtful way to acknowledge the gifts and support you received.
Returning Gifts
If, for any reason, the wedding is canceled or postponed, it is imperative to return all gifts. Emily Post advises doing this as soon as possible, accompanied by a note explaining the situation.
Common FAQs on Emily Post Wedding Etiquette
What is the proper way to address wedding invitations?
Invitations should be addressed formally, using full names and titles. For example, “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” for married couples, and “Ms. Jane Doe” for a single guest.
Is it necessary to have a receiving line?
While not mandatory, a receiving line is a traditional way to greet and thank each guest personally. It ensures that everyone feels acknowledged and appreciated.
How do we handle uninvited guests who show up?
Emily Post suggests handling the situation with grace. Politely inform the uninvited guest of the limited guest list and express your regret at not being able to accommodate them.
What is the etiquette for destination weddings?
For destination weddings, it’s essential to give guests ample notice—typically six to twelve months. Covering the cost of accommodations is a generous gesture, but not required. Be mindful of the extra expenses guests will incur.
How do we manage plus-ones for single guests?
When offering plus-ones, consider the relationship status of your single guests. Emily Post advises extending the invitation to serious partners to ensure everyone feels comfortable and included.
Summary
Emily Post’s wedding etiquette offers timeless guidance rooted in respect, consideration, and honesty. From planning the date and managing the budget to handling invitations and conducting the ceremony, her advice helps create a seamless and joyous wedding experience. By adhering to these principles, you can ensure your wedding day is memorable for all the right reasons.
Authoritative Links
- https://emilypost.com/advice/wedding-etiquette
- https://www.theknot.com/content/emily-post-wedding-etiquette
- https://www.brides.com/story/emily-post-wedding-etiquette-rules
- https://www.marthastewart.com/7931015/emily-post-wedding-etiquette
Following Emily Post’s guidelines ensures your wedding reflects the highest standards of etiquette, making your special day both elegant and enjoyable for everyone involved.
